Tuesday, 23 July 2013

Top Ten Worst Things About Menopause

Ah, the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer have finally arrived (I, for one, was starting to doubt they ever would!).  There's so much to do - trips, camping, festivals, beaches, pools, BBQs and beer.  It's all good stuff - who wants to sit at the computer, reading a blog?

I have to confess, despite loving this blog-writing thing, that my motivation for writing is dipping as the temperature soars.  So with an emphasis firmly on the 'lazy', the next few posts will take a leaf out of David Letterman's book and feature some 'Top Ten' lists (as well as a 'borrow' from a legendary journalist)

As you can see by the title, today's post will serve as a reality check while we're out enjoying all the fun in the sun!  Without further ado -
Top Ten Worst Things About Menopause!

10.  Can't wear high heels anymore.  Now I know some of you will be like 'no big deal', but to anyone who knows me, it's all about the shoes, so this is a tragedy!  I'm still in mourning for the 4" heels, ruby red satin, which I had to forego at Christmas, even though they matched my new top perfectly!  If I was to spend $80, walking really had to be a consideration!

9.      Realizing that you’re old enough to be that cute guy’s mother!

8.      Hair growing where you don’t want it – like on your face!  Meanwhile, for many, the glorious locks on their heads start to fall out in clumps!

7.      Weight gain and bloating!  For myself, I’ve always had an issue with weight, so the fact that I’m holding my own (maybe even lost some weight!) is a good thing.  The bloating is another story…

6.      Grey hair, wrinkles, crepe-y skin and age spots.  We try to stem the tide with dyes and potions, but there comes a point where we’re kidding no-one.

5.      Mood swings.  Feel like crying at a car commercial?  Laughing hysterically the next minute?  Want to take a meat cleaver to your husband?  There’s a reason why the seven dwarfs of menopause include Bitchy, Psycho and Weepy.  If men only knew, they’d be a lot more careful what they say…!

4.      ‘Leakage’.  Those little accidents when you sneeze cough or laugh too hard.  The ones that conjure up images of the Depends and send you running, to Google how to do Kegels!

3.      Memory loss.  Read a post here (if you haven’t already), about one of my more extreme lapses in memory.  I’m sure there’s more, if only I could remember what they were…!

2.      The worst periods, EVER!  It’s like Mother Nature is having one last hurrah, making sure you remember exactly what you’ll be missing come the glorious day that you can say you’re post-menopausal.  Cycles that used to regular, monthly events become random.  And in between each ‘visit’ it’s like our bodies hoard everything, to be released in a red tsunami, accompanied by cramps that feel like you’re dying!  Yeah, like I’m gonna miss this!

1.      Hot flashes!  On every blog, website, chat room, you name it, this was the number one issue that women cite as the worst thing about menopause.  It also seems to be the one that most women suffer.  Perhaps all the menopausal baby-boomers are to blame for global warming…?  Or maybe we have them to thank for our current warm weather…
Hope your summer is off to a great start!





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