Friday, 18 September 2015

Pirate Pick-up Lines… and Other Booty!

Pirate Pick-Up Lines... and Other Booty!

And now for something completely different…

(Yes, yes, I am a Pythonist!)

Today, September 19th, is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. The guys who started this slightly bizarre celebration have been at it for over twenty years, although apparently it has only been the International TLAPD since 2002. By their own admission, this is silliness to which there is no real point! Just like this blog post, really...

Pirate Pick-Up Lines and Other Booty
Circa 1996-raft-racing with my Dad. Pirating is a family thing, it seems!

As you can see by the photos, I have had the pirate vibe going on for quite some time! I always seem to end up in the same pink bandana… Arrr, Pink Pearl be me pirate name. Aye, just like the erasers! Seriously Mateys, there’s way worse things to be called when you’re a pirate!

Pirate Pick-Up Lines and Other Booty
Pink Pearl strikes again - 2013 Maritime Race 5K

I like International Talk Like A Pirate Day because it’s a lot less fattening that some other ‘holidays’, like National Donut Day and Ice Cream Day (nothing against donuts and ice cream, as my waistline can attest). Unless you get into the rum, that is. A ‘cap’n & cola’ will set you back 268 calories. So avast me Hearties, ye’ve been warned!

As they can be a bawdy lot, I thought it might be fun to try some pirate-talk to spice up …ahem …intimate relations! Here then, winsome wenches, are some lines to try on your next date with a buccaneer:

Splice me mainbrace, ye swashbuckling scallywag! (Get me a drink you handsome devil! Note: not a literal translation) is a good way to get things started – Yo! Ho! Ho! and a bottle of rum, and all that.

Is that a blunderbuss in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? As flirtations go, this one’s an oldie, but a goodie. Just bear in mind that it’s hard to do a Mae West-esque, come-hither voice with a pirate accent. (Voice of experience, people!)

Bet you can’t guess where I’ve hidden me booty? A letter other than X might mark the spot on this one! Bonus follow-up: And it’s not in me treasure chest.

Is the rum kicking in yet?

How about some Jolly Rogering? (If you’re using this one, the rum has well and truly kicked in!) This is the direct approach. Use it with care, making sure you know the pirate in question. There’s few that’ll say no!

And lastly (thank the bejesus, I hear you cry)

Would you like me to shiver your timbers? (other options include walk your plank or haul your keel… keel your haul? – use whichever is most fitting according to mood and circumstance). If there’s any real wood involved, watch out for splinters!

I tried to include as many pirate-talk phrases as I could. I know I missed poop deck and pieces of eight, but even I had to draw the line somewhere!

So, there you have it! Grab some rum and these slightly off-colour pirate pick-up lines and you'll be all set for your next tryst! You’re welcome!

Friday, 11 September 2015

A is for: Acceptance

A is for

As women, mid-life is a time of change whether we want it or not. As well as the biological imperative, there are changes that come as children grow up and move out, mortgages are paid off, and changing economies mean job losses or new opportunities.