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Tuesday, 20 October 2015

Decisions, Decisions…

I feel I am at a crossroads in life.

Besides midlife, our recent move has me adapting to a new environment, new routines and a new financial circumstance. Old excuses for not doing what I wanted are no longer valid. It would seem like the perfect time to make some decisions about my future, right?

And I have lots of choices. Should I keep blogging? If so, this blog, or a different one? What about my fiction writing? Should I get a job? Go back to school? All of the above? None of it?



I wanted a way to make the decision-making process easier, a checklist or a step-by-step plan, complete with pros and cons, which would lead me to the best choice. It would become a plan that I could share as a (hopefully) helpful blog post, the original idea here.

Decisions, decisions...

Then I happened again upon this quote, which I had pinned to my Pinterest board ages ago, and it freaked me out a bit. Do I have enough time and energy left to deal with ‘consequences’? Do I want to be bothered dealing with them?

It stopped my forward momentum in its tracks. I asked myself how I came to decisions in the past – the major, life-changing ones. What were the consequences of those? I didn’t have an answer for either question and initially could only think of two big decisions that I’d made!

This exercise had begun looking forward. A trip through the past (yet again) was not what I had in mind, however I wanted to get a handle on how and why I made the choices that I did. The first step was to write down what I thought were my biggest life decisions – and I had to come up with more than two!

An interesting exercise in itself, I eventually came up with three turning points in my life alone, and two where I was the co-decider. They were:

1) to return to England to live at age 21, after emigrating at 18 with my parents
2) to return to Canada at 23
3) to marry my husband
4) to not have children
5) for my husband to re-join the Canadian Forces

And what process did I use to come to these momentous decisions? None that I applied consistently. Sure, there was some weighing up of pros and cons, but life is rarely cut and dried. Fear was a motivating factor much of the time – of the future, of being alone, of being helpless. Pragmatism was another, a craving for security and stability (I am a Taurus!)

For each decision there was also an element of courage, of independence, that kicked in. Perhaps stubbornness, because for each choice there was at least one person who told me that I wouldn’t or shouldn’t. Not that I decided out of defiance, but merely that I had confidence, at the time, in the decision I wanted, or needed, to make.

And the consequences? People came into my life who made it so much better, many of whom are still here decades later. I have had opportunity and experiences I could only dream about growing up. There’s been heartbreak as well, some wounds that will never heal, but who can’t say that about their life.

Were my decisions good? Yes, on the whole, they were. Could I have made other, better choices, in some cases? Absolutely!

But I didn’t!


I did notice one thing about all my past decisions (and this may be true for only a few people). All but one of them are reversible. Now, I’m not saying for one moment that I would change things back! But there is some comfort in knowing that you could have a do-over if you wanted - albeit with vastly different results!

As I turn back to the current crop of choices, I can see that they are not ones that I have to weigh against each other, figuring out which one is better. I am blessed to have so many options, some of which may indeed change my life, but they don’t have to. No plan necessary, the only thing I have to decide is where to start, so…

Eeny, meeny, miney, mo …!





















2 comments:

  1. Great post! I think about my past mistakes a lot. I probably shouldn't dwell on them. Sounds like you've done good! Glad I found you on the BlogShareLearn Linky party! Following you on Pinterest (jody53)

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    Replies
    1. Hi Jody! Thanks for stopping by and I'm glad you liked the post. I've learned after many years not to dwell on my mistakes. Easier said than done, however! Off to find you on Pinterest!

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